peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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