you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize