Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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