my mouth tastes like poor choices
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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