our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
