I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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