Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
