I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
