I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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