My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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