I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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