While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
