How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
