Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
