you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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