I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
