I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
