I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Randomize
