omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize