I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
