We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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