he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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