why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
