Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
And then he peed in my hair
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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