we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
