Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
