i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
