She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
