i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i believe in u and ur pee
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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