yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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