At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
