i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
