Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
