Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
