I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
