Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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