Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
