Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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