yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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