i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
