Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she told me i tasted like america
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Pants are for mortals
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize