I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
