when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
