We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
