her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
All the doctor said was why
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
