There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
