I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
