Pants 0. Shit 1.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
