Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
