i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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