This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
