So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
