Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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