Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
