you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize