Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
