I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
