As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
