You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
