from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
