Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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