I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
