he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
