So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
