I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
