Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
